I have seen the unseen.I have felt the soul.I have borrowed pain.A lifetime ful of pain.But it's not pain.It's laughing with your friend at a time when you shouldn't.It's the sweat in your palms wanting to know someone you see – and the pit in your stomach when they actually see you.It's being touched by hands,that aren't your own.It's the thrill of an escape that almost wasn't. It's the embarrassment you feel – naked for the first time.It's helping a friend find something they lost.It's a smile,a joke,a song.It's what someone does that they like remembering.It's the thinking of things you may never do,and the doing of things you might never have thought.It's the road ahead,and the road behind.It's the first step,and the last – and everyone in between.Because they all make up for the good life.I have felt the soul.I have borrowed pain.God knows I tried my best to learn the ways of this world.Even had inklings we could be glorious;but after all that's happened,the inkles ain't easy anymore.I mean – what kind of fucking life is this?Fate plays its non-regular card.Instead of true joy,I feel waves.The kind that make you look forward to meeting your girl on a helpless day.When I ask god “why fucking me?”.He replies tersely “Y dnt ya go and fuckin figure ya'self.Aye not ny kiddo.”.Don't be surprised;God does have a Nigga-accent.He does speak like that.And then I ask god in my dream “Why do you fuck people?”.He says “What do you mean by fuck?The 'fucking' fuck?”.I say “No,I meant the 'Screwup' fuck”.He laughed and said “Oh kiddo,Ya scared shit outta me.I was gonna slap Ya.Ya see,People are supposed to fuck.It is our main purpose in life and all those other activities-playing the trumpets,Vacuuming Carpets,eating chocolate mousse-are just ways of passing the time until Ya can fuck again”.And then,I laugh.And then I wake up to do other unimportant things of my life – like Playing trumpets and vacuuming carpets. I wake up everyday into the trance of oxygen and sunlight.And then I smoke up to get the real feeling.The fucking real feeling.People mistakenly call the post-smoke-up feeling as trance.It's the contrary.Ducking for apples;Change a letter and that is my life.I have been fucking,the un-literal fucking,all my life.People need sex for a clear complexion,but I would rather do it for love.It's hard for me to change according to the changing time.I remember,when I was born, air was clean and sex was dirty.Now it's the opposite.Life plays poker.The strip poker.And it keeps defeating you until you are in your flesh.And then it pokes you,where it shouldn't.You ask it to stop.You cry in pain.You cry in vain.Life is deaf.And it is stupid.But it pokes where it shouldn't.The basis of optimism is sheer terror.Conscience makes egotists of us all.And then one day you start loathing life.But you still run after it and life says “You will always be fond of me.I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit”.You scream.You scream “Fuck you”.And then you wake up.You once again wake up to learn the ways of this world.Wake up in the trance of oxygen and sunlight.The real trance.And you know the reason why god has chosen you to fuck.You don't ask again “Why fucking me?”.Everything goes on.But I keep waiting.I don't know why,but I keep waiting.I know how to ease my pain.I know.I wait.