"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets a Blowjob, no matter how bad it is."
-Barbara Bush,Former US First Lady(And you thought Barbara didn't have a sense of humor)
On my long, bone shaking journey of life, which has been like a school bus, with three adults squished into a bench seat originally designed for two schoolchildren, my solace has been listening to music and audio books on my i Pod. I have the tracks on random shuffle, so I have no idea which of the 4000 songs or chapters will come on, and I always run a personal contest for the most bizarre combination of audio and visual sensations this throws up. Tied at the tip of the charts is a chapter of 'The History of Womanhood' concerning the 7th century arguments between monks from Iona and the followers of Augustine about the shape of their tonsures, which I have heard a million times while driving through the Cafe7 on GM Road and Groove Armada's 'Shaking That Ass' on an unmade track through Prado's east side showroom in Noida. By the way as I have mentioned 'The history of womanhood' let me tell you something I have inferred from my million listenings of a particular stanza. The whole idea of men creating perfect robot women for their own pleasure,it happens every day.The most beautiful women you see in public,none of them are for real.They're just men perpetuating their perverted stereotypes of women.Just the oldest story in the world.There's a penis on every page of Cosmopolitan magazine if you know where to look.Another inference from some unknown source is that people fail to,in fact they don't want to accept they are dumb fucks.I know some people personally who think they are the greatest philosophers since Adam died and they speak shit like "There's a fine line between genius and insanity". ut ask me,I don't think there's a fine line,I actually think there's a yawning gulf.You see some poor bugger scuffling up the road with balloons tied to his ears, he's not going home to invent a rocket, is he?
Anyway one o' my friends recommended I should watch some new crime related TV show.He said it helps keep your Grey cells ticking even when you want them to be still.I was overwhelmed by his suggestion, went home and downloaded the fucking entire series of CSI. And trust me I think CSI: Miami is the worst fucking thing that's ever happened to the planet earth.I think it's worse than the AIDS epidemic of the early 90's.More weirdly I was just surfing around on NY Times when I read this unusual stuff that a few American Asshole brains were thinking of putting microchips inside babies so that if they ever get kidnapped, you can track them on Google.But what if that technology fails? Well here is my solution:next to the microchip, put a fucking detonator.Listen, if I can't have my baby, nobody can.By the way I have a lot of friends.Not exactly friends-friends, but yeah people who I think are kind-of friends.Some of them are just like me.Others, married.Lots of my friends have babies,but I don't have any babies, but I have lots of friends - babies don't have any friends.They all have those baby-monitors so they can hear the baby from the other room, which I consider a form of wire-tapping.One day there's gonna be a really smart baby who makes a fake recording of some fake baby noises, gonna crawl out of the window and go to have Beer. I need one of those baby-monitors for my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.Sometimes I talk to myself fluently in languages I'm unfamiliar with.Just to screw with my subconscious.It's a good thing a lot of people speak foreign languages, otherwise those people would have no-one to talk to.
I remember going to a park near the city hall around the corner near HCL head office,where two dogs were humping that looked very different from each other.One was brown and white and kind of big with long hair and the other was a little tiny black dog.It made me wonder if these fucking dogs have so much of understanding why people can’t be more accepting of each other.So what if I like to go to the park and watch dogs fuck.People should be willing to accept me as an awesome observer.People hate to accept me.More appropriately they fail to accept me.I agree and I hate this fact that I am a very immature guy and add to it,my atheism.Being an atheist is tough.It makes it really hard to be polite, especially after someone next to you sneezes.All right that's something I can't help but being immature at 21?? Come on, at what age will I finally be mature enough to keep a straight face when someone says,"Hi,how ya doin'? My name is Dick." Then there are people who try to fascinate me with new facts.Most of those facts are weird ones,and highly paradoxical.Like they always try to convince me to save the Apes by telling me we are so much like them that we share 99.9% of the same DNA.That’s true, but, we also share 60% of the same DNA as many fruits and vegetables. That worries me.Who is going to save us when those monkeys find out we are almost 60% banana.I don’t really like the idea of being peeled by an orangutan.
I love MySpace,and nowadays Facebook is superclose to taking that favorites title in my list.And all credit for it goes to my brother,he got me on Facebook because I was on MySpace:"No, no, no.You don't want to be on MySpace, you want to be on Facebook!" So I joined both.But I keep muddling them up, so I keep asking people to come on MyFace.The best thing, still more than 300 friends.Most of them weird though.But they ain't the ones to be blamed.People in general are weird.Fucking retards.I saw this on CNN a few days ago.In Florida these cops freaked out. They shot at this guy 11 times 'cause they thought he was holding a grenade.HE WAS EATING A PEAR.How do you fuck that up?Unless he was eating it like "AHHHHHH!" *throws pear* "THAT'S A DELICIOUS PEAR".
P.S-Even though I am a hardcore Atheist.(I was an agnostic an year and a half back), I say 'God bless you' when someone sneezes.I never say 'bless you'. Do you want to know why? Because I'm not the Lord!I can't do that.I'm just a messenger for the big guns up stairs.And I never say gesundheit, who even says that? GESUNDHEIT! I felt like I'm honoring Hitler or something, Like I'll end up on the History Channel because someone sneezed.
