Vibrators/Giving Head/The Bend/Porn-watching-chicks

'Why did got create man?Because Vibrators can't mow lawns.'
-MADONNA(In Dangerous Game,1993)

I don't like Madonna in general,but when dumb people speak wisdom I tend to love them.Mind it,I Tend to,I don't actually do.I don't mean to be personal or bad-witted but I think all women are good-Good for nothing.But trust me they know the absolute real shit.They know how to get things done,even when it's actually not possible.People ask me how do women succeed in life by just being optimistic about that thing?They also ask what drives their success?I say the word is BEND.All they need is one bend.One bend in front of their boss,their colleagues or their whatsoever/whosoever.Don't misjudge the power of this Bend.It's not the samurai/Japanese/Zen/Asians Bend.It's called the 'Coup de grace'-Bend.Men are already wounded creatures and all they need to end their sorrows is one look at the forbidden.For example,consider a situation where the boss is working some finance shit on his laptop.The lady employee enters the cabin and says "Sir,I wanted a leave this weekend",followed by a bend in front of the boss.Now at that instant of the bend,the laptop's screen shifts to the forbidden place.The boss stares at the 'screen' for 3 seconds rating the thing as awesome and grants her leave.Now this was a very hypothetical situation but shit like this happens.I swear.

George Carolin thinks women have,on average,higher IQ than men.His source is this.I wonder how do people actually come up with these results.Do they actually monitor chicks watching porn for over 6 months,see the IQ growth and present the abstract for their weird hypothesis or whatever on some low-traffic sites where no one but jobless people like me click and go?Men on the other hand are really kewl 'Nigga-like' creatures.They think with their head'.Look with their head.Say with their head.But if there's one thing they can do anything for,it's a good HEAD.My report-"On average,Men are more stupid than Women."In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity.Anyway there is no point wondering about the hows and whys of Men ,and especially Women.

God made us this way because he wanted to put suspense into our lives.Or maybe,he is just monitoring us like the above mentioned researchers(read:Who monitor porn-watching-chicks) to see how we react during adversities.The battle of sexes is everlasting and it will always be about petty things like 1)Why men can read maps better than women 2)Why can't men use the Coup de grace Bend for their success 3)Why do jobless people like me have to slog out hours criticizing women and etc etc.By the way Men can read maps,better than women because only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles.Awesomeness simplified.

DISCLAIMER
I am sorry if my post hurts sentiments of either sex.I am also sorry to the so-called weaker sex for telling everyone about the secret of their success(Read:The BEND).Everything in this post has been written just for humor purpose and bear no resemblance to characteristics of any sex,weak or strong.And now,as I have written the Disclaimer,I can't be sued even if I meant every single pie I mentioned.

Screw You.

Yeah it is for you only bitch.Screw you.Actually,screw you double hard.I ain't ever gonna think about you.Thanks for what ever fucking thing you did to me.Thanks for being such a careless fucking retard.And thanks for wasting 5 precious years of my life.Screw you triple hard.

Your 30 Seconds start now.

A pack of 20 Milds,a Kingfisher Blue and a Romanov Red for anyone who guesses within next 30 seconds what's fucking up my grey cells.I know it sounds sad but I am really sad.I feel as if someone has compressed me into a zip file and mailed me to some anonymous user 10000 miles away,who, when tries to unzip the file gets the message that the file is corrupted.Ok,so I am corrupted.And it is a very dull but sad conclusion.My life has become a complete chaos.I am just fucking up everything I am putting my hands into.

It was raining when I left the library.Everything was calm until I came to my room.And then like a spring-jack things started getting screwed up.The fan was moving slower than yesterday.The CFL wasn't as bright as it used to be.My class notes were missing.I was feeling sleepy by the time hour hand reached 11.My lighter got empty.I got some sore thing on my chest.I felt everyone hates me.I felt nobody loves me even though everybody pretend otherwise.The air was moist and the stars weren't shiny.Somebody called my name and said"You may have won this battle-but the war is far from over".And then I woke up.It was 19:30 and it was raining.I was all naked lying on my bed.The fan was moving as if it was it's last run.Faster and faster with every circle it did.The CFL shone like it was the only bright thing in the world.There were people who loved me.My class-notes were under my pillow.And I dint feel sleepy until I started writing this post.Things change.All for the good.

I remember that day very clearly.I was very sure I couldn't be wrong.And so I called her up.The phone rang 11 times before it got dead.I put it down and was retiring to the bed when it rang.It rang 11 times this side but I was all numb to get up and receive.I felt as if I was dead.I knew it was she.I was very sure I couldn't be wrong.And so I called her up.And then she picked it up and said "You may have won this battle-but the war is far from over".And it was then that I realized that this life is far from being simple for anyone to make sense out of.And I looked up at the ceiling.The fan was moving as if it was it's last run.The air was moist and the stars weren't shiny.And then I woke up.For one last time.To do one last thing.For one last person I ever loved in my life.Or will ever love again.

Everything is calm once again.There ain't any fan.The stars are dead.The air is damp.The sun is fucking up everyone and everything.A pack of 20 Milds,a Kingfisher Blue and a Romanov Red for anyone who guesses within next 30 seconds what's fucking up my grey cells.

The Twerp

I wonder how can someone be so twerp?But trust me,she can be,and that too without any extra fucking effort.She is the most imbecile person I have ever encountered in my life and I am pretty sure I am never going to see someone as ignoramus as her.She pretends to be very prudish but I really wonder if she's so chaste.Heights of arsing around man.Jerk.

Who the fuck said I can't get over things?

Well here I am again with a renewed and reviewed perspective and new priorities.I have got over things which were bugging me for a long time.I am not answerable to anyone now and I don't fucking care who says what about whom.I have realized that people who you want to be good choose the wrong way and become the biggest losers.Pretension is a vice and some people don't seem to realize it.They get this apprehensive feeling all the time and pretend to be happy when they are not and someone they can never be.Anyway there is no point brain-fucking about it as there is no point helping someone who can't help himself/herself.

By the way tomorrow is a big day for me and the red devils.Manchester United has taken an awesome lead over their nearest competitors Liverpool and with this pace and consistency no-one can stop them from a consecutive Premier league title win.Tomorrow is the Inter-Mission day.United is gonna play Inter Milan in less than 24 hours from now in the Champions League and I am expecting some pure kick-ass moments.I have a full day in the college tomorrow and I am hating every day of this 4 year 'Tour'ney in Manipal.I just want Einstein's relativity thing to work here so that time just flies by for me,as in,I sleep today and when I get up I am somewhere far from here.Somehwere where I don't see anyone I know.Where people don't understand what I speak and I can't make sense of a thing they say.

I have got to study for CAT now.Its less than 9 months now for the D-day.Placement scene is already screwed up here.All thanks to the recession.I just hope to make it too IIM somehow.Nice people.High intellectual capital.No manipal.What else can a guy in Manipal ask for.Yeah,the number of chicks there are gonna be less than that in Manipal but look for the optimism,there will be less brain-fucking.No screwed-up saturdays.No once-a-week-breakup-fights.No abusing.No answering to petty questions every moment.No meetings when I won't want to.I just hope this Manipal story comes to a nice end.Someone has said it very truly:"All's well that ends well."

I want to be a Full-stop.Right now.

My life has become a comma.A short interrupt command.I do things without actually realizing I am doing them.I sense but I don't feel.I am not alone but lonely.I am as good as ever but still bad like always.I miss people but I don't think about them when I should.I procrastinate things,even when I want to do them.I am torpid yet full of zeal.I am almost a full-stop but a comma yet.I like friends but I don't care about them.

There was this guy 'X' who asked me to arrange weed on last saturday,and even though I could have,I didn't.Not that I didn't want to,but I just couldn't.I am insecured about everything.I am hopeless.I have become an atheist.I want to pray but I just can't.There was also this girl 'Y' whom I love a lot but she thinks I don't love her.Then there are 3 other people 'A,B&C' who have been with me when I wanted them to be with me,but I just can't seem to be able to spend time with them.Then there is this professor in my college professor 'F' who is one of the biggest jerks I have ever seen in my life.An Ex-HOD by chance,he just can;t get words out of his mouth.He also makes a buzzing sound at the end of every word ending in 's',like he says "Letzz go and Kick some azz".I almost sleep in his class everyday but he doesn't notice and that bugs me even more.

I just want things to be fine.Once,for always.I want to go far from here.To some island with a bed,BeanBag,an I-pod and my Laptop.I want to watch the sunrise and sunset,both together.I want to see a butterfly.The same butterfly I saw 6 years back when I was playing with my best friends in Viceroy Garden.I want to meet all my good friends,present and previous,5 years from now in the same island.I want to listen to The all-American Rejects.I want to eat superhot Aaloo ka paratha with loads of butter on top of it.I want to see the butter melting and losing its existence.I want to smile when I see it losing.I want to co-relate myself with butter.I know it sounds funny,but the butter is the only thing I can come up with right now.I want to watch 'The Big Bang Theory'.I also want a date with 'Emmanuelle Chirqui'.I want to play.I want everything.I want to wakeup one day and see myself in the list of Forbe's richest people.I want to become big.I want to become more matured.I want to laugh like no-one ever can.No-one ever will.I want to laugh at myself.I want to laugh at everyone.I want to laugh when I am happy.I want to laugh when I am sad.I want to be free.I hate being a Comma.I want to be an Exclamation mark.I want to be a bird.I want to fly.I want to love and be loved.I want people to trust me.I want them to understand me.I want time to stop.I don't want to get tired.I want to stop time and walk to the island.I want to sleep.Sleep like a 6 month child.A 6 month girl preferably.I want to die.Right now.I want to be a full-stop Right now.Peace.

I am Somebody.

So here I am again.I am more powerful and determined now.Fixed as hell and firm as heaven.I can be happy without actual people.Without actual emotions.Without a laugh.Without a purpose.Without a reason.Without anyone.Without the right moment.Without any shame.Without any fucking retarded thing like the ones I mentioned above.I hate everyone right now.I am pissed 'cause I am missing people who loved me and I couldn't understand 'em.I am pissed 'cause I don't have any reason not to be pissed.I am pissed 'cause I don't actually know what I want in life.I am also pissed 'cause I hate the way I am.Weak and needy.I want to be more mature.Understanding enough to realize the good and the bad.And yeah,even the ugly.Yet,I am powerful.I am stronger than ever.But I am pissed like shit.I am somebody.I am almost nobody.I hate everbody.I am pissed.

I am getting normal

Yeah,that's true.I am getting powerful now.I am feeling stronger than before.

I rise.

every morning I rise with the sun
carrying the fire within
every evening I set with it
only to rise up again
the core of my being
is my soul that burns
singing the very air that it breathes
the fire within me will never die

I am Powerless.

I am powerless yet again.I hate people who refuse to love me.I hate people who instigate me to do things I don't want to do.I hate people who don't commend to my thoughts.I have committed a second mistake in my second life and I regret it more than I regret joining MIT.I am afraid of not being alone but being lonely.I don't have anyone person to share my thoughts with.No one to tell what and how I feel when I get hurt and when I don't get what I want to get.I even have nobody to share my dark secrets with.I am a bad guy and everyone almost has come to realize this by now.I lie,not for the bad,for the good.Good of others.Good of myself.I think I am powerless.Now,more than ever.I want to stand up and walk.Walk like a man with a purpose walks.I had this dirty filthy breakup sometime back and I just can't seem to get over it.I want to be myself again.The jovial,gay-guy who laughed and never cried.I want to flutter like no one ever did.I want to refuse everything that the world throws at me.I want to sing like bruce springsteen and cry like a new-born kid.A female kid preferably.I want to live again.Live like no one ever did.Live like no one ever can.I am powerless.Really powerless.